SILENCE

Whenever I close my eyes

Your ghost is staring back at me

I’m trapped in a net of my own lies

And you’re all I see,

And as war falls out into motion

I can’t believe what I’ve begun

I stare out at the scarlet ocean

And can’t comprehend what I’ve done,

And I hear the whispers fly around on the street

My own friends look at me like I’m a stranger

Surrounded by people whose eyes I can’t meet

And everyone tells others I’m a danger,

And I remember your eyes that night

Full of disbelief that I wouldn’t pull through

In the middle of that bloodstained fight

And I didn’t speak up for you,

I watched in cold silence

As they pinned you against a wall

Your last act of defiance

And then watched your lifeless body fall,

I know that begging for forgiveness is no good

There’s no way for an apology

But if there was a way to make it up, I would

Anything to say I’m sorry,

There’s too many secrets that remain unspoken

There’s too many lies formed of fear

There’s too many promises that’ve been broken

But all of them will be burned down here,

And all of those things that I did wrong

All of those lost fights

All of those times I couldn’t be strong

They’ll come pouring out tonight,

All of my darkest secrets that hold me together

Listen if you dare

They’ll ring inside of you forever

Turn every dream into a nightmare,

And my legend will come back alive

Once again on this battle line

Put all I have into full drive

And everyone will hear my voice this time,

I can’t believe I never told you

I can’t believe I walked away

But now I know just what to do

This is what I didn’t say

WOLFCALLS

I PROMISE

burning_heart_by_xresch-d39k8e9

Here I am standing here all over again,

Reminded of the promise I made then,

Don’t they know it’s not really me,

But they just can’t see

Because the scars come with ties

They all link back to lies,

All the whispers in the night

I gave up putting up a fight,

Thought it’s not worth being strong,

But now I know I was wrong

Should’ve left it as it was

Because

I’m tired of causing all of this pain,

Tired of of all these bloodstains,

So I’m gonna take my secrets and tell

All ten thousand reasons I fell

I’m going to tell you my fears

What I haven’t said in years,

I’m going to do something I’ve never done

I’m going to trust someone

I’m going to be honest this time

Because I’m

Tired of hearing the judge call my name,

Tired of playing this game,

I’m tired of all these chains

Tired of putting out all these flames

Tired of paying the cost

Sick of lives being lost,

Tired of the scarlet floods

Tired of all the innocent blood

It was never meant to come to this

I promise

So now I’m telling you this secret so hold it tight

Decide if what I did is right

They’ll all think I’m a liar

Trial, wall, fire

And this is hard to do

But I’m going to tell you

What’s been killing me every day

All the things I didn’t say

Everything I never confessed

The story behind this mess

I’m going to pull on through

And now I’m going to trust you

And because I’ve already failed

Let me tell you my tale

I’m going to give you the proof

Just in case you’re brave enough to tell them the truth

-WOLFCALLS

FORBIDDEN

Lights die

Try to burn brighter

Try to not cry

Try to make it all lighter

Everything’s gray

The hearts, the words, the dreams

Can’t just blow it away

It’s all so lacking in color I forgot what that means

And when they look

They see open pages

Just like a book

Someone stuck in broken stages

And that’s because they don’t know

About the whispers in the night

About the places I go

When no one’s in sight

And they want me to be broken

They don’t want me to be seen

They don’t want the words in my head to be spoken

I’m just a living bad dream

But I am beyond their limitations

I am unstoppable

I can break all their expectations

I can accomplish all the impossible

And they hold me down with all their chains

But they can’t ever stop what’s in my head

And I ignore their taunts and names

Their wishes for me to be dead

Because I know that despite their efforts their words can never hurt me

And so I ignore all their labels

I know that I’ll always be free

And I can turn all their tables

And when I close my eyes

I can run away

Far off into nowhere and I

Don’t come back the next day

And in my head I escape

To what they say I can and can’t do

Swim the deepest river and climb the steepest mountain face

And I come back to you

And they say I’m completely out of my mind

But I’ll still hold out on you

Ten years is a long time

But I know you’ll pull through

And this hope is something they could never steal

It’s something they could never tie down

It’s something too strong and too real

To be something they’ve ever found

And I have no regrets

This love is incredible, it’s screaming but hidden

This hope is my secret

Forbidden

WOLFCALLS

 

 

SUPERSTAR

So many different places

A thousand million faces

None of which I’ll ever remember

And each time it’s always different than all the past times were

And  there’s been so many crazy things I’ve done

Just to get the cameras showing off that I’m the one

And everywhere

I go people stare

Because I’m that girl that wherever I go

Everyone knows

I’m on the cover of every magazine

I’m on top of the world living life in a dream

And yet

Here’s my secret

I hate it when the crowds all scream my name

I hate living under the weight of fame

I hate how my every secret comes out

How it’s not me that my life is about

I hate how I have to do whatever people want me to

Make all the moves that they want me to do

And sometimes I step back and wish

That I could escape from all this

That I could be just an everyday kid

And do all the things my friends tell me they did

That I could go out with them to a movie

And all of those cameras wouldn’t point at me

And I know people think they’d love to be a celebrity

But there’s no more lonely place to be

I wish that I had as hard of a time getting boys as other girls do

And that I wasn’t someone they all think they can see right through

And I hate these rehearsals and these photo shoots

I hate the stupid feathered boas and the high- heeled boots

I hate all the makeup and how they make me look so old

And I hate all the lies that for the public I’ve told

And now I’m going to get out in front of them all and put on a smile

Laugh and live up the party while the whole while

I’ll be crying and dying with everything inside of me’s got

Because this isn’t what I want to be- not by a long shot

And I’ll never escape- my whole life will be on screen

While everything inside is something that will never be seen

And now I’m expected to step out under those lights

And spill out all of my deepest secrets tonight

But that’s just the way things are

When you live this life…

Superstar

WOLFCALLS

 

CROSSING LINES

I told you before that I’d break both our hearts,

But you couldn’t tell right and wrong apart,

I hope you can now that you’re still trying to get your heart to mend,

After our love’s twisted end,

After the last of our love turned to ghosts,

After I told you you mattered the most,

After we ran away that moonlit night,

Into a place that had never seen light,

Where shadows were alive and we got caught up in lies,

Hours away from when secrets caused our hearts to die,

I knew we would both end up with inside of us dead,

But it wasn’t the first time, So I just smiled and said:

Didn’t you know that this is a danger zone,

No one in their right mind would come here alone,

But we did what no one else would,

For no other reason than because we could,

We could be killed, we could be hurt,

So what were we thinking? The thing was we weren’t,

What? I’m safe? Don’t you know that’s not true,

What? No warning- maybe I should’ve told you,

I think you could tell even before that first kiss,

It was your own mistake to get dragged into this,

But no, you’re saying you couldn’t see,

And now you’re trying to blame me,

Saying I got myself stuck in your head,

And now it’s my fault that they’ll find us dead,

You’re telling me it’s my fault it all turned out so bad,

That we’re trapped in a place where everyone goes mad,

Well we’re here now, there’s nothing else we can do,

So I just stand back and laugh at you,

The moon lighting up the perfect night’s sky,

Standing here, laughing, about to die…

-WOLFCALLS

ONE TOO MANY

You say that it’ll be okay

That you have nothing I can’t see

You say you’d give it all away

Just for me

But there’s things I don’t know

And there’s things you don’t know and I

Know we’ve finally crossed a line

Found a knife sharp enough to sever these ties

Because it’s been one too many lies this time

You say let’s try and work this out

That it can all turn out alright

But that’s not what this is about

And you’re battling a losing fight

Sometimes when you hit a wall

You have to back it up

When you take a fall

You need to know when enough’s enough

And some things were just not meant to be

Like two words with no rhyme

And eventually you’ll see

That it’s been one too many mistakes this time

Say something wrong and there’s no backspace

No eraser, no way to say sorry

There’s better way to lose your place

Then to not know how to speak an apology

And there’s been one too many times when I’ve questioned if this was right

There’s been one too many lies

There’s been one too many other names circling the night

One too many storming skies

One too many secret tears

One too many dark secrets

One too many deep, hidden fears

And there’s no way out unless

We end what’s begun

We walk our own ways

We accept that it’s done

“Nothing gold can stay”

And sometimes wills bend

And fires will light

And sometimes things end

And you have to do what’s right

And sometimes you realize your mistakes

And sometimes you have to fix it all

And sometimes hearts break

And you have to catch yourself when you fall

And then you have to lift your head

Even when you know you were wrong

You have to look past night and see the starlight instead

And have to take a deep breath and be strong

And I’m sorry for this

I know for now you don’t understand

And I promise

That one day you can

Because there’s been too much rain

And too many regrets

There’s been too much pain

And there’s been one too many secrets

WOLFCALLS

 

 

 

WONDERLAND

You were bored so one night

You crept out of your house with a flashlight

You were young and reckless and searching for danger

Then you ran across an innocent stranger

You tried to speak with me, but I said “You wouldn’t dare”

You just smiled and said “I’m not scared.”

And then you said “Call me crazy.”

And I said “You don’t know what that is until you come with me.”

So I led you further and further away from home

Twisted reality and trapped you alone

Tripped you straight into a rabbit hole

Stepped back and watched you go right out of control

From the shadows I reached out and took your hand

And I led you into the realm of Wonderland

Right to the edge of reality

The border of between clarity and insanity

You may have doubts now- but believe me

There’s no other better place to be

Yes, perhaps you’re going mad

But would that really be so bad?

Throw yourself at the invisable walls, cursing my name

Acting like I’m the one to blame

You should’ve known as I’m as trustworthy as the Cheshire Cat

You should watch the knife heading for your back

Come with me

Yes, maybe you are going crazy

But don’t worry, there’s nothing to fear

After all, we’re all mad here

This is the Caterpillar and this is the Mad Hatter

Just like you their reality’s been shattered

In this place you never know what you’ll find

Watch yourself or you just might lose your mind

And I smile as fear crosses your face

As I tell you there’s no way out of this place

And everyone in Wonderland winds up dead…

But wait, isn’t this supposed to all be in your head?

Shouldn’t you just wake up at dawn

And everything here will suddenly be gone?

Wait, isn’t this supposed to just be a dream?

Well, then maybe no one will hear you scream…

-WOLFCALLS

WOLFSTORM’S SECRET

I wrote this story to enter into a competition.

No, I did not win. Actually, I don’t know that yet- the contest isn’t over and they haven’t announced the winners, but I’m one of those people with zero confidence in this kind of thing 🙂

My story had to be 1200 words or less, which may sound like a lot, but IT IS NOT!!!!!! I struggled a lot, trying not to make it seem way too rushed, but then when I looked down at my word count it was like Eek, I’m way over! Especially for the story I wanted to tell, so yeah, it’s a little condensed. But I want to know what you think as I sit here scared out of my wits for March 20th. So nervous!

Here’s what I entered in the contest, and it’s called

WOLFSTORM’S SECRET

My name is WolfStorm and I should be dead.

My first warning: This isn’t a love story. I mean, it is kind of, but I like to think of it as more than that. Bravery is the theme of this story, that and taking a stand.

I’m not going to say that I loved him at first sight, because I don’t believe in that load of crap. You can’t love someone you’ve never met- and if you believe that, you need to rethink your definition of love. But I did notice him. A lot of girls noticed handsome knight BearFang, it was hard not to. But I liked to think I was better than that- I was a warrior, right? I was the only female warrior of King LionHeart’s. But one day when I was training in one of the courtyards I felt those green eyes watching me. I tried to ignore it as I took out a training dummy’s stuffing entrails, but then a blade locked against mine and when I looked up I was looking into those eyes again, they had a challenge in them now and he smiled as he said

“Training is always better with a partner to practice with.”

“Oh, I don’t need practice. I’m good enough on my own.”

And a heartbeat later we were whirling and slashing in crazed combat, and I was laughing, I was confident because this was where I was best. One strong thrust and BearFang’s sword clattered onto the cobblestones.

“You win,” he said laughing, raising his hands up in defeat as I pointed my blade at him.

“Good fight,” I said fairly, lowering my sword.

“Not as good as yours evidently.” He was handsome. I dropped my gaze.

“Something wrong?” He asked, frowning.

“No,” I said quickly though it was a lie. I wasn’t supposed to have feelings like this, knights of King LionHeart weren’t supposed to fall in love- it distracted us from our duty. Therefore romantic love was not allowed with us, which I understood perfectly… until now.

“I have to go,” I said abruptly, sheathing my sword and turning away.

“Bye. See you around… I hope.”

I all but ran from the courtyard, and afterwards I cursed myself. I was Knight WolfStorm- I was respected and I was feared. I was supposed to be brave. I’d faced legions of feared warriors single- handedly.

So why was it so hard to breathe right now?

 

So that was how I met BearFang. It was kind of embarrassing when I look back on it. But over time that distance that’d been between us when we first met began closing up. It closed up more and more…Until I was certain there was no more left. One night after a banquet with King LionHeart as well as a few others to celebrate chasing out the evil Shadowborns from the kingdom, he pulled me off behind a castle wall and kissed me. We’d kissed before. But it was different this time- this time he pushed me against a wall and he kissed me like his life depended on it and I was lost in moonlight and the soft whisper of the wind…

“I love you,” he whispered, pulling back “I love you, WolfStorm.”

I frowned and pulled back “Don’t say that. Not yet. Not until you mean it.”

He kissed me again and told me “I do mean it. More than I think you’ll ever know.”

And I was sure that he really did mean it. And we wound up getting married in secret. And I ended up expecting a child.

 

I’d made a huge mistake and I knew it. LionHeart and some of my friends wanted me to help work on a secret project we’d at for quite some time- a place called Penaina that we would make for future generations of magical children, but I couldn’t face them.

I wasn’t brave enough to face any of them.

I’d betrayed them all.

That night I dreamed of death, of voices crying out at what I’d done. Ghosts and chains haunted me. And then a voice whispered in my ear, telling me that Penaina would become the death of my daughter and end the world. I woke up screaming.

After I’d calmed down a little more, I began to think more. This was my daughter’s life on the line. And despite the trouble I could get in, I’d give up my life protecting my daughter. I’d even betray my king. So creeping out of bed and outside of my castle room, I scaled the wall surrounding the castle and stole a stable horse. This is for the best. This is for the best, I kept reminding myself even as I stopped outside of Penaina, even as I lit a torch.

As I set the whole thing up in flames. It’s too bad that someone saw me.

 

“WolfStorm, you do realize what you were accused of, correct?” LionHeart asked me, his voice soft and serious. I bowed my head

“Yes. I do.”

“Do you deny that you committed this act?”

I opened my mouth to say that I didn’t deny it, but then a voice spoke up

“It wasn’t her, it was me.”

BearFang.

He stood up and looked LionHeart directly in the eyes as he said it.

No.

“BearFang?” LionHeart was as shocked as everyone there.

“Yes. I did it. It was dark out- the witness must have not seen things clearly.” For someone so kind, BearFang was the perfect liar.

Silence.

Had.

Never.

Sounded.

So.

Loud.

Finally, LionHeart spoke “BearFang, you do realize the charges of what you’ve done.”

“Yes sir,” BearFang said, lifting his head and meeting my eyes “Certain death.”

No!

LionHeart nodded sadly “You’re like a brother to me, BearFang. However, I can’t change the rules.”

“I understand, Your Majesty.”

“Take him away.” LionHeart ordered his guards quietly.

 

That night I snuck out of my room again and down into the dungeons. It was easy to evade the guards- they were all sleeping.

“BearFang.” I whispered, pressing myself against the bars. “BearFang, I’m so sorry. I’m so-”

“Hush.” he reached through the bars and put his fingertips on my lips to silence me “Don’t say anything. I know that you must’ve had a reason.”

Tears made my vision swim “I love you.” He told me simply “I love you, WolfStorm, and I love the child we’re going to have. Just make sure to only tell them the good stuff about me- not about how you beat me at swordplay all the time.”

I really was crying this time as we said goodbye.

The next day he was executed in a sunset that was stained in red.

I would’ve taken his place, but he told me not to, to respect his sacrifice.

So I did.

I did it because I loved him.

When I had our daughter I named her Red, after that evening when he died.

So sorry, I guess it was kind of a love story. But I hope you thought that it was more than that. I hope that you recall BearFang and his sacrifice. I hope you remember that secrets have a cost.

WOLFCALLS

THIRTEEN

It feels like I’m stuck as a kid forever

No one will take me seriously ever

And people think that the words I write

Are from someone much older with more experience with life

People say thirteen’s an unlucky number- maybe their right

Sometimes I just want to give up on this endless fight

Grown ups will just laugh at me

They can’t ever take me seriously

But I think that I’ve seen more than they realize

And I’m not a stupid little kid- and here’s thirteen reasons why

ONE: I’ve struggled with myself, asked myself all the whys

TWO: I’ve been forced to stand back and watch all my best friends say good- bye

THREE: I’ve been pointed out over and over for what I believe

FOUR: I’ve had more than one person go out to get me

I’ve had people tell me they’re better and call me worthless is FIVE

And SIX is all the times I’ve wished I wasn’t alive

SEVEN: Is all the time I’ve sat in the locker room and cried

EIGHT: Is the day my friend’s brother died

When my coaches tell me I suck and I’m not good enough is NINE

TEN: is all those nights when I’d wished back what was mine

ELEVEN: Is when I’ve taken countless insults but no one cared

TWELVE: Is the memories these halls and I shared,

THIRTEEN: Is living in a nightmare with countless scars

All those times people have gone too far

Maybe one day it won’t seem like a  bad dream…

But for now I’m just thirteen

WOLFCALLS

A MILLION TIMES

Welcome to my life, where I’m always spinning

Circles, no one’s ever winning

Always trying for a new start

Every time I break a heart

Sometime’s it hurts

Sometime’s it burns

But that’s how you learn

There’s one million times I’ve forced myself not to cry

There’s a million times I’ve goodbye

There’s been a million times that I’ve confessed

That I was the cause of this mess

There’s been a million night’s I’ve wished on shooting stars

There’s been a million battle scars

There’s a million shots for a million rounds

A million times I’ve let someone down

But it was a million dollars for a million risks

And we all knew it’d lead to this

How can I ever explain 

Why I’ve caused all this pain

Causing so much hope to die

With another not-so- perfect lie

Don’t listen to what you’re told

When they say that I’m ice- cold

Nights shot through with scarlet skies

And I’ll tell you a secret- when I’m alone I cry

Sometime’s I wish back what was mine

But I complete the circle each time

There’s a million ways to hide what you feel

There’s a million ways to pretend it’s not real

There’s been a million times that it’s more than what it seems

There’s a million nightmares with every dream

And there’s a million ties 

with each million lies

And you can count each bullet wound

There’s a million shots for a million rounds

A million times I’ve let someone down

But it was a million dollars for a million risks

And we all knew it’d lead to this

There’s been a million time’s I’ve made a wish for you

That you’d be the one to pull on through

-WOLFCALLS