I hate you

I love you

More than I ever knew

Not what I intended to do

Played with fire and I got burned

But sometimes pain’s the way to learn

Messed around with the way people felt

And felt the impact of what I’d dealt

I’m calm

I’m insane

You’re storm of silence

With that look of defiance

Like gazing through ice

I should’ve thought twice

Play with emotions and they’ll bite you back

Faking it gets you knocked clean off the tracks

Get away from me

I  want you

It’s a roller coaster ride

Turning tables and changing sides

I can’t breathe but I still don’t

Understand why I won’t.

I thought I was clever conjuring my lies

Dancing you on strings and controlling your ties

Never want to see you

I miss you

It’s crazy I know

This confusion, this chaos about letting go

Just one little match I set the forest on fire

Just one little act I set us burning down with desire

It’s always night now and everything’s blue

Would you believe it if I really felt something with you?

I can’t stand you

I need you

Some parts weren’t an act at all

Because I really did fall

For you

Thought you knew

That part wasn’t a lie

I know it’s too late to apologize

But before you leave me

I just want to say I’m sorry





Here I am standing here all over again,

Reminded of the promise I made then,

Don’t they know it’s not really me,

But they just can’t see

Because the scars come with ties

They all link back to lies,

All the whispers in the night

I gave up putting up a fight,

Thought it’s not worth being strong,

But now I know I was wrong

Should’ve left it as it was


I’m tired of causing all of this pain,

Tired of of all these bloodstains,

So I’m gonna take my secrets and tell

All ten thousand reasons I fell

I’m going to tell you my fears

What I haven’t said in years,

I’m going to do something I’ve never done

I’m going to trust someone

I’m going to be honest this time

Because I’m

Tired of hearing the judge call my name,

Tired of playing this game,

I’m tired of all these chains

Tired of putting out all these flames

Tired of paying the cost

Sick of lives being lost,

Tired of the scarlet floods

Tired of all the innocent blood

It was never meant to come to this

I promise

So now I’m telling you this secret so hold it tight

Decide if what I did is right

They’ll all think I’m a liar

Trial, wall, fire

And this is hard to do

But I’m going to tell you

What’s been killing me every day

All the things I didn’t say

Everything I never confessed

The story behind this mess

I’m going to pull on through

And now I’m going to trust you

And because I’ve already failed

Let me tell you my tale

I’m going to give you the proof

Just in case you’re brave enough to tell them the truth



I’ve been replaying over and over in my head

What I said

That it was time for us to take a break

That was such a huge mistake

I really hurt you bad

And now you’re out to get me back

I said we’re done- cross my heart hope to die

Of course now I realize

That when I’m not with you all the skies are gray

That without you there’s no purpose each day

That without you I don’t know what to do

And I try to be stronger but I can’t stop thinking of you

I don’t know, maybe

I am finally going crazy

Wake up one day the world flips upside down

I hear your voice echoing all around

And I feel the heat of your gaze all the time

Yeah, I’m going out of my mind

And now without you I’m locked behind a fence

That without you I’m trapped in past, future and present tense

That without you there’s no sunshine coming down from above

That without you now I realize I’m in love

And no matter what I do

I know I’ll just end up falling back to you

Well,  I told you we can’t wait any longer

When we split it will just make both of us stronger

Now that’s it- I blew it

That move was so stupid

Thought I was being smart- now I’d finally be okay

One wrong turn had a huge price to pay

But you still won’t talk to me

I’ve tried a million times to say I’m sorry

What do you think I’ll just forget

When I’m dying of regret?

Can’t believe those words came out of my mouth

Now I’m gone North and your gone South

And I feel like such an idiot

Have a scar from my own knife to prove it

Your message says your never home

Every time I call your phone

Why can’t you see that I’m trying so hard

But thanks to you the way is always barred

Finally I couldn’t take any more

Took a deep breath, knocked on your door

It felt like forever for it to open

My heart hurt from dreaming and hoping

As I said the right things this time

“Life was so much better when you were mine

And right now maybe you could say I’ve got whatever I need

But it all means nothing if you’re not with me

What I said was so wrong

I don’t know why I waited so long

I’m so sorry

Could you ever forgive me?”

Now that I’d said what I could, standing there at your door

I waited for what you’d say…. Because now the choice was yours



One night

He and I got into a blowout fight

It had a massive price to pay

Because both of us ended up walking away

So as time passed I moved on

I’d find out where I truly belonged

The time dragged instead of flew

And I wished I could tell Him none of the other boys came close to you

I felt like love was hopeless

My life was a giant mess

And every other relationship I entered always died

Because none of them knew the right way to apologize

Time never flies

I couldn’t forget the look in His eyes

Under the setting sun

When I said “We’re done”

I couldn’t get Him out of my head

And I couldn’t forget the things that we said

And none of the others came even close

And I wished and I wished I hadn’t let Him go

So I called up His phone one day

But according to the message He was away

It took so much courage then

And it made me so nervous I couldn’t do it again

But every other relationship that I tried

Never worked- none of them knew the right way to apologize

One day as I was at home

Yet again hanging up the phone

Another “love” with someone besides Him ends,

Sorry, hope we can be friends

Whatever, I don’t really care

I’m still not over the memories He and I share,

That other guy cheated and lied

But it didn’t kill me inside

he couldn’t even apologize

If your confused when I say

That they’re apologizing the wrong way

Their not saying sorry

The blame’s all on me

I couldn’t take this lifestyle anymore,

And then there was a knock on the door

And I’ll never forget the moment when

I opened it- and was staring at the love of my life again

And He said

“I can’t get what happened out of my head

What I did was so stupid,

I’m sorry I blew it

You mean everything to me

and I really am sorry

I don’t want your heart to break,

I made such a dumb mistake

I’m sorry for this mess,”

And that’s why I said yes

When He asked

“So can I have one more try?”

Because that’s the right way to apologize



Over the course of my life

I’ve done over one million things that I know weren’t right

But I think you should know

My biggest mistake was letting you go…

I never should’ve sparked that fight

Now I keep practicing ways to make it right

And I know that you don’t believe it’s true

But I meant it when I said I love you

I just wanna get us back on track

The only thing I ever want is to have you back

I know deep in my heart that you’re the only one

And I regret everything that I’ve done

I hear the story of us in every sad love song

And if I could I’d go back and fix everything I’ve done wrong

This is not just an insane hallucination

I’ve never thought of someone more

I’m trapped in self- frustration

I’m more sorry than I’ve ever been before

And no, you’re not going crazy

I really do regret my mistakes

No, you’re not just seeing things

I’m sorry I made your heart break

Just let me show you I’m sorry somehow

Because I’ve never fallen in love before now

This is not just a crazy illusion

This is more than than a trick on the mind

I want our story to have a better conclusion

And I really am sorry this time