So, this poem was written about a character of a story of mine who went through some pretty tough things, but one of the big ones was that the girl he loved was killed. He went through a pretty rocky time after that (it does get better) but I wanted to capture that image of complete suffering, when you believe that it’s all hopeless, that life is hopeless, that feeling you get before you realize that always, in every situation, there’s light somewhere, you just have to try and see it. *Penaina refers to a place. By the way, in case you’re someone who’s wondering, I am not suicidal. At all. But something inside of me hurts for those people who are, those people who are in so much pain that they don’t even see the point of life, so I write a lot about it. Out of empathy. Okay, here we go

I’m chained down inside a fog- a thick red haze

Replaying our story in a heartbreaking daze,

And now I know that I’m the one to blame

And maybe that’s what’s causing all this pain,

When they try and help me I close the door,

I’ve never been hurt this badly before,

I can feel just how far that I fell,

And from the whispers I hear about me I know others can tell,

And now whenever someone says my name,

It’s to say that Penaina’s hero has gone insane

I’m trapped, I’m desperate and I keep on falling,

I’m so close to death that I can hear the ghosts calling,

There are whole wars being fought inside of my head,

And I keep on asking myself why I’m not dead,

I’m stuck in slow motion, balanced on a ledge,

Somebody save me before I go over the edge,

I get so tempted when I think of a knife,

A one way ticket straight out of this life

When she left this world it broke my heart,

But how can I admit that I’m falling apart?

I’m a hero, I’m a legend, I’m strong- I’m supposed to be perfect

But people have started to notice I’m turning into a wreck,

They say that I’m broken, and maybe it’s true,

Because when they say I’m crazy…

I think I am too.



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